Filed Under (Infertility) by catharine on Apr-19-08

young lady or old hag?So, what do you see?  A relatively young 31-year-old woman, or an old hag with aging ovaries?  Deceptive isn’t it.  Apparently so am I.  On the outside, I am young enough to occasionaly still get carded at the grocery story (though not at restaurants or bars, which probably means that the younger clerks at grocery stories just can’t estimate age very well, but I’ll take what I can get), but on the inside I have the hormones of a much older woman.  Flattering, I tell you. It’s doing wonders for my self esteem. 

Since this has all come to light, I decided to submit myself as a guinea pig for study.   Those of you who knew me in grad school are thinking, “oh no, here we go again,” but fear not; although I will be taking copius amounts of drugs, I will not be getting paid for it, but it is going to reduce the cost of IVF from about $12,000 to about $2,000.  This has come about because new bloodwork has revealed that I have elevated FSH levels and a high FSH:LH ratio, hence the old hag photo above.  We were told that we don’t have time to wait to do IVF; it’s now or never.  Maybe this is why we’ve never gotten pregnant?  We’re about to find out when all our genetic material ends up in a petri dish under the microscope.  On the one hand, we’d like to know what’s wrong, on the other hand, even though the fact that there is a problem is obvious, being told the problem is still shocking.  I don’t know why–it’s not logical, it just is.

Sooo……since we apparently don’t have time to wait, and since this opportunity to do it so cheeply presented itself, we decided to do IVF.  The state, however, does not allow you to do both  IVF and adopt–this apparently is too stressful.  We could adopt a sibling group of five if we wanted, no problem, but adopting one child and being pregnant at the same time–that’s a big no-no.  Apparently also, they think we would give back our adopted child once delivered of a biological child, no matter that the adopted child would be nine, while the biological child would be an infant–hardly interchangeable.  Never mind the fact that we had planned to adopt before every trying to get pregnant in the first place; this is not significant.  After spending a year getting our adoption up and running, this feels very much like finding out you’re infertile to begin with–can’t conceive, can’t adopt.  I’m being a little melodramatic, but humor me if you will.

In the mean time, we are in no way anticipating IVF.  I don’t know who we’ve told or not.  I assumed we’d told our family, but when talking with my in-laws this weekend it was apparent we had not.  I just mentioned it to my sister-in-law, and apparently it was news to her too.  I wonder if I’ve told my parents?  They read this blog, so they should know before we begin in any case.  It’s a matter of days now; I estimate that we’ll begin drugs on April 28th, so we’re looking at having this process behind us by mid June.

4 Comments posted on "young lady or old hag?"
Freyja on April 21st, 2008 at 8:12 pm #

I saw the girl immediately but when I thought about it she was gone and the old women was there. I had to try really hard to be able to see the young woman again.

catharine on April 28th, 2008 at 8:21 am #

Thanks Freyja–unfortunately, me too.

Julia on May 1st, 2008 at 8:55 pm #

I still see the young girl. :) May be my stubborn optimism, but I still see her! So the study begins this month? I hope you will not be put in any harm, but I know you’d never consent to anything that would put you in harm. I am sorry to hear about Amber, was it because they knew you were pursuing IVF? I’m sure it’s more complicated than that. I’m sorry everything has to be so complicated! I know that everything is on the line for you guys this time around – God bless you in every moment as you await the results. I hope to see you very soon. Love, J & B

catharine on May 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am #

Thanks, Julie. No, I won’t be harmed. The study is comparing two different types of progesterone supplements, both of which are currently in use, just for different things. They’re just showing that it can also be used in conjunction with IVF. Thanks for asking!

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